I did this with college. Up until about a day before the deadline, I was torn between Wheaton and Westminster. I spent hours and hours trying to figure it out, or talking to others and trying to get their opinions... Then one day (and just in time), I just picked Wheaton. Not sure why. I just picked it.
Once I make a decision like this, I don't look back. I'm not interested in living a life of regrets or what-ifs. Plus I believe that God won't allow me to make the wrong decision if I am really seeking His will. So once I picked Wheaton, there was no looking back, no questioning whether it was the right decision, no regrets. And I do firmly believe God led me to pick Wheaton, and have believed that through all of the very good and all of the very bad times I had there.
So once I make a decision, I'm fine, and I trust that God is leading me, yet making that decision is still often a ridiculously hard process. Over the last month or so, I've spent a TON of time in prayer and reading the Bible and listening to sermons and talking to people about God's will, since I was in the process of choosing doctoral programs to apply to (the process for that, by the way, was very similar to the usual steps I mentioned above - spending countless hours and days and weeks in turmoil, then deciding it all really suddenly and for no apparent reason).
Psalm 16 has been so important to me lately:
I especially love the second half of verse 5, which simply says "you hold my lot." I think the more obvious part of it is that God knows our future, and (if we seek Him) He is leading us and won't let us go astray. God has a plan for us. And that's amazing! But I think maybe there's more to it. He holds our lots, which yes, I think means He's protecting our futures from all of the things that could come along to try to destroy them. But I think He also holds our lots in the sense that He holds onto them until we're ready for them.Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
One Tim Keller sermon I listened to in particular talked about this sort of thing: he talked about how when we're driving somewhere and get lost, and we stop and ask for directions, the person can either draw us out a map or a list of directions, OR he can get in the car with us and direct us step-by-step (which admittedly would be kinda creepy). When we're lost in life, though, and we ask God for His will, we want the map more than we want the relationship with Him that is what we really need.
But I think God holds onto things about our futures that we're just not ready for yet, and I think that's beautiful (albeit frustrating sometimes)! He knows us better than we even know ourselves, and He knows exactly how much we can handle every day, and He gives us exactly that much. And even though we claim we want the whole map, He knows we can't handle that, and He gets in the car and leads us step by step, which is WAYYYYYYY better, because that means we aren't going to mess up the directions!
That said...God is good (so very, very good). He holds my lot, so "therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices..." :')
